You and your mate may not be guilty of any of the major sins that can tear a couple apart such as: infidelity, lying, physical abuse, and addictions to name just a few relationship deal breakers. However, your everyday less than stellar ways of interacting with each other may be whittling away at your relationship all the same.
Listed below are seven sure ways to tell that your relationship is on a downward spiral.
1) You and your mate talk to each other in a way that you wouldn't talk to anyone else in the world. For instance, when you speak there is a nasty edge in your voice. Or, one or both of you frequently nags, whines, has little or no patience for the other, yells, sulks, or gives the silent treatment on a day to day basis.
2) You rarely see eye to eye on the little issues, let alone the major ones. This causes a lot of bickering, fighting, and tension between the two of you.
3) You look less and less forward to seeing your partner or doing anything together. The thought of a long weekend or being snowed in with each other fills you with dread.
4) You're not sure if you want to stay in the relationship or leave it. Your friends are sick of hearing you complain about your mate, and so now you find yourself having to pay for advice from psychics, life coaches, and therapists, but still nothing ever changes. You just stay stuck and do nothing to either fix the relationship or leave it.
5) Although you may still love your partner, you really don't like your partner very much. Everything your mate does seems to irritate you, even the traits that first drew you to this person get under your skin.
6) You are less and less intimate with each other. You no longer tell your mate how you feel. You don't really communicate with each other. You make love less, and even when you do, you still feel a disconnect between the two of you.
7) For the most part you are bringing out the worst in each other. You don't like the way you are behaving toward your mate, and you are unhappy with the way your mate is treating you, but you are clueless how to stop the War of the Roses.
If any of the above statements resonates with you, it's time for some deep soul searching. Relationships can't be fixed with one foot in and one foot out. Try putting both feet in for a while. Give yourself a time frame. A minimum of three months and a maximum of a year is a good rule of thumb. Give it your best and try breaking some of the bad habits that you and your partner have gotten into. You are responsible only for your own behavior and not for your mates. Speak kindly and politely to your mate. Listen when your mate talks. Stop discounting everything your mate says. Agree to disagree without being disagreeable about it.
When your time limit is up, reassess your relationship. If, after giving it your best, nothing has changed for the better, than try taking two feet out. Separating doesn't mean your relationship is over, but it gives a clear signal to your partner that something has to give. Perhaps the two of you will seek therapy -- either together or separately. You may find yourself missing each other, and this time out gives both of you space to sort out your feelings and to take responsibility for whatever each of you has done to contribute to the demise of your relationship.
Via your noble efforts, and by the grace of God, miracles may happen and you might find yourselves falling deeply in love again.
If you do choose to end things, then bless that relationship and let it go. If you are married with children, vow to divorce without drama and trauma. Honor the good that was in the relationship, and pray that when love comes your way again, you will treat your new relationship with the respect and reverence it deserves.
Cindi Sansone-Braff is a relationship coach, psychic/medium, and author of Grant Me a Higher Love: How to Go from the Relationship from Hell to One that's Heaven Sent by Scaling The Ladder of Love. Visit her web site at www.grantmeahigherlove.com. She gives free psychic and relationship advice on Thursday night, 7pm EST, www.blogtalkradio.com/higher-love.
The radio call-in phone number is: 646-929-0958.
