A pigeon passed away early this morning near Montauk Highway in Patchogue.
The bird, most likely named Petey, a longtime resident of the village, was hatched in a rusted gutter on East Main Street in the spring of 2011.
At approximately 10:00am, Petey Pigeon was found belly-up on the sidewalk in front of the Patchogue Village Chamber of Commerce office on North Ocean Avenue. While the cause of death is still under investigation, it can only be speculated that Petey met his end as the result of some weird and gross pigeon disease. Petey will be remembered by villagers for his brilliant plumage and his advanced musical talent, which was acquired while studying at the Pigeon Center for Cooing Theory, located in the sewage waste line behind the library.
The mayor’s office, obviously overwhelmed with emotion, declined to make an official comment.
“Clearly, this is a serious blow to the village,” said one official who wished to remain anonymous. “The community will feel this loss for years to come. Excuse me,” he said, wiping a single tear from his eye.
Petey will be laid to rest in Cedar Grove Cemetery on Jennings Avenue. The family has requested a private burial, but donations may be made in Petey’s name to the Statue and Monument Defecation Alliance (SMDA). Petey Pigeon is survived by his loving wife Pricilla, his 22 children and 74 grandpigeons, all which live at that house on North Ocean Avenue near the Christian Science Center.
You know, the one that always has, like, a million
pigeons hanging out on the telephone wires.