Ten Simple Steps You Can Take to Get Back In Sync with Your Man After a Fight

First of all, you need to stop thinking that arguments, disagreements, and outright fights are always a bad thing. Learn to see them as necessary evils meant to clear the air. Treasure the making up process, since it really is one of the most effective ways for you and your man to reconnect and reconfirm your commitment to each other and to your relationship.

With that said, you will, however, need to put into practice a few simple skills aimed at minimizing the damage and speeding up the making up part. So here goes:

1) Take a “Time Out” from each other to let both of your tempers cool off. That’s right, everything you’ve ever needed to learn, you’ve already learned in kindergarten. This cooling off period will stop the battle from escalating into a full-fledged war, and give both of you the time and space to see the situation from a new perspective.

2) Learn to forgive sooner than later. If you plan on eventually forgiving your man, why not do it as quickly as possible? Stop with the grudge holding. Stop pouting and licking your wounds. There’s no time like the present to get your relationship back on course.

3) Take responsibility for your part in the fight. Stop blaming your man for everything. It really does take two to tango and two to tangle. And by all means, give up your need to be right. Admit that you both could be right. (And meditate on this one -- you both could be wrong!)

4) Apologize for what you’ve done wrong and talk about how you could have handled the situation better. With all due respect to Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal, love really does mean having to say you’re sorry. If you’ve said a lot of mean or nasty things in anger, then say you’re sorry, and vow to watch your words the next time around. Couples really do need to learn how to say what they mean and mean what they say, without being mean about it.

5) Admit that you may have overreacted.

6) Bring your sense of humor to the negotiation table, particularly if the fight had been over a really petty issue. Share a good laugh together and salvage whatever is left of the day.

7) Use these newly opened lines of communication as a time to listen to what your man has to say. Stop discounting everything he has to say. Stop interrupting him. Stop defending your point of view for a moment and let him take center stage. Then ask him to do the same for you.

8) Use this fight as a wake-up call for the two of you to keep the lines of communication open. This way you’ll get out of the habit of waiting until tensions build up so much that the only way to get things off your chests is to -- blow up at each other.

9) Agree to disagree. There will always be some issues that you and your man will never see eye-to-eye on. So be it. To each his own, and if the issues are not all that earth shattering to begin with, then to quote from the wisdom of the Beatles, “Let it be.”

10) Kiss and make up. Let’s face it. The best part about fighting is the make up sex. Let this serve as a reminder to make love and not war. It’s better for you and ultimately, it’s better for the world.

Cindi Sansone-Braff, The Romance Whisperer, is the author of Grant Me a Higher Love: How to Go from the Relationship from Hell to One that’s Heaven Sent by Scaling The Ladder of Love, and Why Good People Can't Leave Bad Relationships. Visit her web site at: www.grantmeahigherlove.com